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21 hours ago
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We know that raising emotionally intelligent kids sets them up for future success. The challenge is that many of us were never taught those skills ourselves.
Growing up, many of us heard phrases like "stop crying," "calm down," or "be good." Over time, those messages taught us to suppress feelings rather than understand them. As adults and parents, we often find ourselves trying to teach emotional skills we never had the chance to learn.
But children today can develop emotional intelligence through everyday interactions with the adults around them. The conversations we have, the questions we ask, and the sense of safety they feel at home all shape how they understand emotions.
After years studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, I've found that certain questions consistently help children build emotional awareness, resilience and empathy.
Here are 10 powerful questions parents can ask:
1. 'How did your body show your feelings today?'
Children often experience emotions in their bodies before they have the language to describe them. Asking this question helps them begin noticing those signals.
A nervous child may mention a stomachache. Excitement might show up as a warm face or a fast heartbeat. Recognizing these sensations helps children build awareness of their emotional state.
2. 'What's one feeling you had today, and what made it show up?'
Children start to see that emotions are connected to experiences. Feelings begin to make sense when they can link them to something that happened.
A child might explain that they felt proud after finishing a project or frustrated during a disagreement with a friend. These connections help them understand their emotions and respond to them more effectively.
3. 'How do you know when someone is feeling happy or sad?'
Empathy grows when children pay attention to the emotions of others. This question encourages them to notice facial expressions, tone of voice and behavior. The hope is that they become more aware that emotions exist not only within themselves but also in the people around them.
4. 'What's something about you that makes you feel proud?'
Many children associate pride only with winning or performing well. This question helps shift their attention toward their personal qualities.
Children begin recognizing things like kindness, persistence or generosity as reasons to feel proud. That awareness supports a stronger sense of self-worth.
If they have trouble answering, gentle prompts can help:
- "Are you proud of how kind you were today?"
- "Are you proud of how hard you tried?"
- "Are you proud of helping your friend?"
5. 'When you feel upset, what's one thing you wish someone would do for you?'
This question encourages children to think about their needs during difficult moments.
A child might say they want a hug, someone to sit beside them or a little quiet space. Expressing these preferences helps them learn that their needs matter and can be communicated.
6. 'When you felt nervous today, what helped your body feel safe again?'
Emotional intelligence includes learning how to calm the body during stressful moments.
Children begin identifying what works best for them. Some feel better after taking deep breaths. Others feel calmer after talking with a parent, hugging a stuffed animal, moving their body or spending a few quiet minutes alone.
Recognizing these strategies helps children approach strong emotions with more confidence.
7. 'What do you say to yourself when something feels hard?'
This question introduces children to the idea of an inner voice.
Young kids often benefit from hearing examples of supportive self-talk. Parents can model phrases like:
- "You can try again."
- "Mistakes help you learn."
- "You're safe."
- "You're doing your best."
With repetition, children begin using these phrases themselves, which strengthens resilience.
8. 'How do you show someone you care about their feelings?'
Children learn that empathy involves action. Caring for someone else's feelings often appears in simple behaviors.
They might mention listening to a friend, asking "Are you okay?", sharing a toy or sitting with someone who feels lonely. These everyday actions help children practice kindness in concrete ways.
9. 'What's something about you that makes you special?'
This question helps children think about the qualities that define who they are.
Parents can mention traits like creativity, curiosity, humor, thoughtfulness or bravery and ask which ones feel true to them. Recognizing these qualities supports a healthy sense of identity that isn't tied to comparison or achievement.
Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of the BOUND and FOUNDATIONS journals, now offered together as her Emotional Safety Bundle. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children's emotional well-being and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy kids. Find her on Instagram.
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